White mist hovers over
the lake as the sun breaks through the morning horizon. Leaves, starting to
appear on the limbs of the trees that hug the shore, give proof of spring. Soon
my clear view of the blue water will be replaced by green. The temperature is
cool with a hint of warmth that will arrive later in the day. The fresh
mountain air begins to revive me as I sit on the deck with a cup of hot tea.
I come to this
cabin to escape my life. I am physically isolated and it symbolizes the bigger
picture of being alone in the world. As an extravert, I don’t “ do alone” well,
but I am determined to learn. My life has made a drastic turn and I am working
hard to keep up. I fear this loneliness. I have conquered my past fears and I
believe this one can be overcome as well.
Years ago, a
quote caught my eye Go towards your fears,
for that is where you will grow. I grew up afraid of heights so at the age
of 20, I parachuted out of a Cessna single engine plane. Another time, I dogsledded
in Alaska to get over my aversion to cold weather. I spent two nights on the Yukon
trail at 20 below. When my glass of wine became slushy, I knew that nothing
would ever be that cold again.
I decided to
tackle this new situation in the same way, head-on. I rented a mountain cabin
in Cashiers for a year. When my kids are with their father for a week a month,
I seek peace in this isolated retreat. I force myself to spend days in
seclusion. I knew I could find solitude, the joy of being alone. The unexpected
gift is a profoundly deeper relationship with God. He shows up in amazing ways,
just when I need him the most. I begin to read, meditate, and take long hikes
with my dog Oscar. God speaks to me through the space that is often filled with
busyness. His presence surrounds me and I begin to write. His thoughts inspire
me and guide my fingers across the page. I began to see the blessings of my
broken-heart. I open myself to Him and He honors my vulnerability.
Studying Jesus’s
life and how He often withdrew to be with His Father, I realize that retreat is
vital to deepening a relationship with our Creator. It is challenging to find space,
but absolutely necessary for growth. If Jesus needed frequent time with Our
Father, then how much more do I need?
While being in the quiet, I receive clarity and the big picture is
revealed. By Jesus’s example, I have found a way to connect and this knowledge
encourages me.
Running towards
my fear was a success. Since those early weeks in the mountains, I’ve traveled to
Europe on my own. Traveling with companions is still my first choice and I
frequently make trips with my kids and friends, though I see the value of
solitary travel where life is experienced in unique ways. And the bonus: God
shows up every time.
This Cabin on Lake Glenville,
near Cashiers, North Carolina
was my refuge for a year.
A place to heal and a place filled
with many memories
that I will cherish always.
